One day I decided to look closely at my thoughts. I found that when I spoke I used the words, "I'm afraid" a lot. I would say, "I'm afraid I won't be able to accept that invitation. I'm afraid that date is out of the question. I would love to come by on Thursday but I'm afraid I won't have enough time to spend with you so let's make it another day." And the list went on and on. I had never realized how many times I used the words "I'm afraid." So I asked myself, "What are you so afraid of?" I didn't have a good answer.
Much of my life's decisions had been made in a sense of fear that I would somehow be disappointing someone, my husband, my children, my parents, my boss, my employees, etc. I began to be much more aware of the words I was using in all my conversations and found that fear truly ruled my life. That was in 2004 and the journey to freeing myself from the fear has brought tears and joy beyond measure. The best decision I ever made was to take a look at my thoughts because your words follow from your thoughts.
The idea that fear was running my life seemed ridiculous until I took a look at the words I used on a daily basis. Try it. You might find it surprising.
What truly made the difference was when I began ever so slowly to decide from Love instead of fear. Taking it one small decision at a time. Allowing myself to fall back and not beat myself up but just keep moving forward allowed me to gently improve my skills each week. Now things were getting easier and making sense. The experience of seeing through thoughts of Love allowed me to forgive others which allowed me to forgive myself. Naturally this was not an overnight accomplishment but the peace came much easier and faster through the eyes of Love. Love is all there is. Namaste.
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